"No one said this would be easy, and it isn't."

The other day I tweeted "No one said this would be easy, and it isn't."

As I have laid in my bed sick the past two days, I desperately wished I could snap my fingers and be home. There is just something comforting about being somewhere familiar when you aren't feeling 100%.

Yesterday, to get to the doctor I had to take a boda, and then three more coming home (the last one being in the middle of a dust and rain storm. The driver got lost and seriously just dropped me off on the side of the road in the unknown). A motorcycle ride was not exactly what I usually participate in while feeling bad, but here, it is just part of life.

Today, I fought negativity as I desperately wanted to be home rather than in Africa a half a world away from the people I love. 

As I felt my fever rising I went to get a Tylenol and next to the bottle I saw an envelope that said "to my sunshine." I knew that whatever was inside was bound to make me feel better. I was right. 

It was a card my mom had given to me the day I left for Africa, and it said: 

"God made you for "such a time as this!" There is strength in obedience, hope in faithfulness, and peace when you call on His wonderful Name!

Don't let your heart and mind linger at home - focus on HIM and the beautiful boys and women that need HIM. That is where you will find the joy in the midst of pain."

Today, I am finding strength in my obedience. I am finding hope in my faithfulness. I am finding peace as I call on His wonderful Name. I am choosing to focus on Him and not the things I have always known as comfort. I am seeking Him and finding joy in the midst of [quite literally] pain.

The last part of my tweet was, 

"... but it is so sweet to know that I am right in the middle of the Lords plan!"

No, it isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. There is SO much joy knowing I am in the middle of the Lords plan, and there is so much joy seeing how he is teaching me and growing me both during the good days and the hard days.

God is so good and He is my sole source of strength, hope, peace and joy. I am thankful for opportunities to learn this and thankful for the wisdom of others to teach me this.

xoxo, 

Jordan

Missing this wise momma! 

Valentines Day Convictions

During my years of college, I joyfully spent every Valentines Day without a "Valentine." By the grace of God, I truly was joyful and never was sad or upset about my singleness. Truth be known, it was probably because the majority of my closest friends were also single. 

For the past few years my house has hosted a "Celebrate Your Singleness" party, which was always so much fun. In a blog about our first party I said, "Also.... how awesome to be able to celebrate love without being in a relationship! This Valentines Day was extra special... I spent it celebrating this amazing season of life of singleness God has blessed us with, with some GREAT VALENTINES!!"

Throughout the past four years, I have posted many blogs about being content in singleness. If I could pick a platform, that definitely would be mine. I have met with girl after girl to talk about how God has allowed me to be content in him in the absence of a relationship. I know without a doubt that that has been the greatest blessing of singleness - knowing HIS love was enough. Something that I once struggled with, and was rescued from. 

This Valentines Day I am in a relationship (WITH THE GREATEST GUY IN THE WORLD). Ironically, I am also in Africa... half a world away from him. I will once again spend Valentines Day "alone" and this time without a house full of single folks that I love so much. 

................

Now, I humbly say that I may have been slightly prideful about my contentment in the Lord in the midst of singleness. I talked about it so much as if I had accomplished some huge task. Truth is, why did I think it was an accomplishment? Who else was I going to find my contentment in? I was single. 

This Valentines Day, I have a new conviction.  This Valentines Day, it will be a lot harder to find my contentment in the Lord. I will wish I was in America. I will wish I was with my Valentine. I will fight with myself to not have a pity party. 

All this to say... God has taught me a beautiful truth recently. Finding contentment in the Lord is not something that you do while single. It is something you must choose to do daily, every day of your life whether you are in a relationship, not in a relationship, married, or unmarried. No matter the status, you must choose contentment in God and in God alone (something much harder to do when there is a Valentine in the picture).

Single ladies/men: As you spend your Valentines Day single, rest in the love of your Lord. Treat this season of life as a blessing. Learn to find contentment in God alone, so that when you are in a relationship, you are able to remember God is your source of contentment... not the one you love.

For everyone else, enjoy your Valentines Day with your special someone. Praise God for placing them in your life, and remember: your contentment comes from the Lord, not from that special someone. 

xoxo, 

Jordan

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalms 73:26

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" - 1 John 3:1

I Wore Leggings Today

When you opened this post, you most likely expected me to tell you wearing leggings was wrong. Actually, I want to do the opposite. 

Today I wore leggings. Recently in christian circles this has been a hot topic. First, I want to point out that modesty is extremely important, and as a christian woman, it is your job to respect your brothers in Christ by dressing in a way that glorifies God. Also, as God commands us to be set apart from the world, we must understand the way we dress must go against social norms. Because it is popular, does not mean it is ok to wear.  I strongly recommend you read the five myths about modesty, that explains why this is so important, well. I also want to humbly confess, I have dressed immodestly many times before, I have not always made the best decisions in this area in my life, and feel certain there are still ways I could improve in this area. 

That said, I did wear leggings today and I did not feel convicted about it. Absolutely, leggings can be worn in a way that is inappropriate, but I truly believe that they can be worn in a tasteful manor (Your butt covered - a must!!!). I felt more modest in my leggings than I did in my nike shorts that I wore to the gym. The same shorts that I have worn in my church before, and felt completely comfortable in. 

Whether I wear leggings or not, is not the point. (I honestly can't tell you whether wearing them is right or wrong - that is opinion based) What you think about me because I wear or do not wear them, is. 

Lately my facebook newsfeed and twitter feed have been blowing up with comments such as "leggings are not pants" (that is the nicest of the comments). There have been pictures, that in a very degrading way insult every girl that has worn them or wears them. Many times I have read a facebook status or tweet and my stomach dropped as I thought of the girls who I knew would read it, and wear leggings. Girls whom have a relationship with the Lord that I respect and strive to have. Also, as a young woman who is trying to disciple younger girls and hold conversations on the importance of modesty in a way to respect men - I am hurt by the way those same girls are being disrespected as the way they dress is being publicly criticized on social media by the men they are striving to respect. 

We can't not talk about that fact scripture says to hold our brothers and sisters in Christ accountable. Matthcew 18:17 says, 

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

Scripture never says to publicly call out someones wrong doings. If you feel like a girl is wronging her brothers by the way she dresses, go talk to her about it. Don't call her out on social media so the next time she is in your presence she feels judged. 

Also, have you thought how the unbeliever who read your judgmental comments may feel? If I was not a believer and read how it was wrong to wear leggings, I probably would never want to attend your church and I certainly would feel judged by you.  Romans 14:1 says, "accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgement on disputable matters." WAKE UP: whether leggings are wrong are not is disputable, so chill out and start focusing on something that matters. 

This is exactly what Jesus warns the pharisee's against in Scripture. He commanded them not to be so focused on laws, but rather just to tell people about Him. He would do the heart transformation and convicting - that isn't and never has been our job. 

You may think you know all the right ways to date as a christian, but when you place billions of rules on it, you are turning away people from desiring a Christ-like relationship. You are also making those who are not following your legalistic rules, feel judged. 

You may have decided you only want to listen to religious music. That is absolutely wonderful, but don't tell me I am wrong for not feeling the same conviction. (Disclaimer: what you listen to and don't listen to is important, but there is tasteful music that is not religious.)

You may have decided to not wear makeup, because God made you how he wanted you to look. Well that is great, but don't make me feel guilty for not feeling that way. (If a house needs painting... paint it.) 

The biggest cause of atheism is Christianity - this is statistically proven. Don't take part in this statistic. Veer away from legalism. Simply tell people the name of Jesus, and let Him do the rest. 

A Tear Provoking Sonic Trip

Saturday morning I was preparing for my last A Perfect Injustice jewelry show before the big move, when a crazy craving came over me. I wanted a sonic sweet tea so incredibly bad!

Many of you know this about me: sonic has always been my pick-me-up. Not that I only go when I am in need of a pick-me-up, but every time I do go, it does bring me a lot of joy. I wrote, "someone please bring me a sonic sweet-tea," on facebook a ridiculous amount of times during those stressful evenings at work, during high school. (and Susan Brown so often came to my rescue!)

So, I got ready as fast as I could and off I went.... to sonic. Half way there I remembered that I didn't even like sweet tea anymore. Especially Sonic's. Somehow my taste-buds changed, and drinking it now seems like drinking a cup of syrup.

Then I got there and stared at the menu confused, because all I really wanted was a cup of water. I did however order a diet-coke (really exciting, right?) but did not even drink half of it.

So why in the world was I dying to have sonic? Later that day I had a epiphany: it wasn't sonic I was missing, it was all the memories that are somehow connected to that place.

I was missing that first time all of us Ecity folks miss - the first day we successfully pulled into a sonic parking spot after getting our learners permits, and the joy and success we felt because of it.

I was missing  the first few months after getting my drivers license when I chose to park on the cool-side of sonic, and it actually made me feel cool. (I recently parked on the uncool side for the first time and it was so liberating, ha).

I was missing the daily 3:35pm fight to find a space - because it was just what you did when school got out.

I was missing all those silly boys showing off their big trucks all night long, every weekend, at sonic.

I was missing that day me and Lauren became best friends at sonic during free root-beer float day, as we circled around and around parking in new spaces each time to see how many free floats we could get (even though neither of us even like root-beer floats). I was missing that ridiculous amount of laughter that occurred that night. (seriously completely convinced this is why we are friends, Lauren.)

I was missing the night lauren and I met at Sonic to say goodbye before she moved to Korea. The same night she couldn't figure out how to fit that big Suburban into a space, so after multiple times (of embarrassment), she got out and let me do it for her.

I was missing the many times Ms. Susan surprised me with a sweet tea at work, and completely made my day.

I was missing that fact we (Kristie, Michelle, and Janna) would drive there all the way from Weeksville at ridiculous hours of the night, because we literally had nothing better to do. (OHHH, how I miss that amount of free time.)

I was missing that ridiculous day while living in Orlando when I was so upset and homesick and completely convinced that Sonic was the only thing that would make me feel better - so I drove around for three hours trying to find one.

I was missing home. I was missing my friends. I was missing my family. I was missing my lack of responsibilities. I was missing being a kid.

Then came Sunday. As I sat in church Sunday morning, I was looking around at the hundreds of people who have impacted my life over the past four year. I simply thought, "wow - I am thankful for this church - and I am really going to miss it," and that was all it took to make the tears start flowing!

All this to say, the "I am about to move to a different continent" emotions have officially began. I am feeling extremely sentimental. Just like my sonic-era of life ended, this phase of life too is coming to an end. People always say, "college is the best years of your life," and I couldn't agree more. This makes it really hard to let it end.

More than feeling sentimental, I am feeling thankful. Not for sonic, but for all of the other sources of pick-me-up's and joy that as filled my life the past four and a half years. I have the most amazing family, friends, community, and church family any girl could ever ask for - and I will miss each of you so much for the next 7 months of my life!

So here goes nothing: 30 more days in Raleigh and 60 more in the U.S.

If you wanna come reminisce at any point during the next two months, I am totally down!

Thankful for you all,

J

"You will not all be present at your 5th year reunion."

Andrew Sanders
November 20, 1990 - September 29, 2013

Mr. Wayne P. James has always been famous for giving a annual speech to his students. His words have always been, "you will not all be present at your 5th year reunion."

When I heard these words as a freshman in high school, I couldn't grasp the idea, and most definitely did not receive his speech as reality.

This was until January 7th of my senior year when my sweet friend Katie's life was nearly ripped away from her. That night in the ICU waiting room, I collapsed in the arms of my father and asked, "everything is going to be ok, isn't it?" His answer nearly took the breath away from me. He responded, "I don't know." I knew at this point that my dad did not have all the answers - but he pointed me to a Heavenly Father who did.

I really believe that in this moment, I chose to have a personal relationship with God. Maybe in this moment, it was because I knew He was the only one who could save her. Maybe it was from the fear of death. Maybe it was my desire to have security in knowing I would one day go to heaven. Regardless, since that day, God has proven himself to me relentlessly, as I have continued to fail him time and time again.

One of the many ways I fail him is not living intentionally daily. Since January 7th, the knowledge that life is short and we truly do not know when our last breath will be, seems to slip my mind. Many days, I live as if there is much more time to decide to live "right." This was until the summer after my freshman year of college when I got the heart stopping phone call that our dear friend Dajuan had been shot to death.

I was asked to speak at his memorial service representing the class of 2009, and very hesitantly agreed.  I don't think many people heard a word I said that service, because the only sound anyone heard was the heart-wrenching cry of his mother. As I stood in front of a room full of young people listening to this noise, I once again remembered that life was short - and we never knew its end - none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

Since that day, several years later, I once again forget that I am not invincible.

This was until this past Monday morning at 5 a.m. when the world seemed to stop for a moment, with the news that our dear friend Andrew Sanders had very suddenly passed away.

It would be so easy to question why God look him so soon. It would be easy for some of us to question if there was even a God or why He allowed this to happen.

OR it could make us question who we are living our lives for, and if we are living our lives well. It could make us question, what will happen when we die?

Does Andrews death make me wonder "why"? Yes, absolutely. Does it make me question God? No, not for a second. I can't give all the answers and I can't promise you that it will even sound logical to you. But I can promise this: because of my relationship with God, my life has purpose. Because of my relationship with God, I have joy - even when life is hard. Because of my relationship with God, I am guaranteed eternity with Him, and all of those who too love Him. I am so thankful I am promised eternity - but I don't love Him for a ticket to heaven, I love Him for the sacrifice He made for me (and you).

I am heartbroken over Andrews death. I would do anything to hug him one last time, but no amount of tears will bring him back. I pray that Andrews passing bring about great change and good things. I pray this event makes each one of us pause for a moment and think about the relationship we have or don't have with our creator.

We don't really have an option to not believe Mr. James wise words. We now know they in fact are true. We will not all be at our fifth year reunion. We may not even be here tomorrow - so don't wait. Choose a life of purpose today.

All out of love for you and the Gospel,

Jordan
xoxo

"So He Rested from all His Work!"

To be completely transparent, I have felt kind of overwhelmed lately. 

The way I have described my current life situation is that I had a fake transition out of college this past May, and a not so fake transition into the real world. I "should have" graduated in May, but didn't, which is completely OK - except for the fact I somehow convinced myself that I was finished with school. This has made the transition back into classes this semester really difficult. I honestly have had no desire to do any school work or attend any classes, and a few of them are challenging - making it even more undesirable.

All this school stuff has just added onto a unpleasantly long to-do list. I absolutely love all of the many things I do and am involved in (except for school, currently), but learning how to balance it all has got me slightly frazzled. The last few weeks I have had zero energy - and that in itself has been discouraging. 

Monday alone felt like an entire week, and then Tuesday took its toll. 

I wanted sushi crazy bad, and so I went and made a to-go order expecting to go sit at home and eat alone. To my surprise, I was greeted by Brooke (my roommate) when I walked in the door and she sat with me and watched me eat my sushi (which was so unattractive, I might add - I'm not the best at using chopsticks). It was so encouraging and uplifting - and I think needed for both of us. 

One comment lead to another - which led to us watching not one but two movies. We both repeatedly said, "I can't believe we are doing this," knowing that our to-do list were not completing themselves. I can't even remember the last time I watched a movie - and here I was watching two (on a school/work night). We watched "When Harry Met Sally" and "10 Things I Hate About You," both some of my 90's favorites - and laughed the entire time. 

This morning when I woke up [at the crack of dawn] I was so full of joy. The world did not end because I did nothing productive last night, and in fact I feel way more productive today than I have in a long time. 

.................

"On the seventh day God had finished his work of creation, so he rested from all his work (Genesis 2:2)." Have you even sat an thought about this? God doesn't need to rest - He isn't human. He lacks nothing. So, why did He? 

I feel pretty confident in the argument that He rested to show us it was good. He rested, to leave an example for us. If God rested from the work He did, I feel certain I require rest - and probably a lot of it. 

Sometimes we need to just chill. So thankful for a night of encouragement and laughter.  So thankful for rest. 

....................

xoxo, 

J

I Don't Know and I Don't Care...

On August 16th, 2012 I wrote a blog post titled "Sure Wish I knew." (Just click on that title to read it) 

Reading it today, I am in amazement as I now know many things I once wondered about. This past year has been a crazy one, every single day a blessing. Many times I have sat down to write a blog about this past year - but have yet to find adequate words to describe it. I decided I would try to summarize it by following up to the things I told you I wish I knew, a year ago.

"I am not sure if I will graduate on time, to be quite honest. Sure wish I knew today."

No, I didn't graduate on time. Yea, I was a little upset about it, but God has confirmed in so many ways that He wanted me on this campus one more semester, for a reason. I am thankful to still be here. On August 21st, I attended my last, first day of class. I am so excited to be graduating this coming December (if I pass Spanish - be praying for that!) 

"I am not sure what I will be doing in May if I do graduate. Sure wish I knew today." 

Wow. This makes me laugh hysterically. No, I didn't graduate in May, but will soon. I sure couldn't have ever dreamed this the day I wrote this blog - but when I graduate in December I will be moving to Kampala, Uganda to serve with A Perfect Injustice Ministry. Founder of API, Abby Kaketto came to Raleigh this past February, and I was blessed to spend some with her. What began with a casual cup of coffee in Starbucks ended with a very overwhelmed me - and a "job" offer. I spent some time praying on my car ride home - and before even parking my car God had made it extremely clear this was what He wanted for my life. In 136 I will be boarding a plane to Africa! This was in no way the plans I had for my life - but I am so excited to be living out God's plan for my life! 

"I am not sure "what i want to be when I grow up" or really, even what direction to go in my career life. Sure wish I knew today!"

After returning from Uganda next August, I will continue to work for API from the states for at least two years. I don't really know where I will live beginning in August, but I am feeling pretty confident it will be in Raleigh. I feel certain that I want to be in full time ministry, whether that means overseas or in the states, I am not sure. In the past year I have developed a great desire to serve college-age girls, and will be seeking ways to do that for my "career" as well as working with API.

"I am not sure (at all) how in the world I will pay off college. Sure wish I knew today."

Yea, I am even more confused about this one now. It just so happened that I decided on a career that provides very little money. I am so confident though that God will provide. I don't know "how" He will do it - but know that He will do it!  

"I am not sure who I will marry, when I will marry them/meet them, how many children I will have/adopt, where I will live, how many wins Pack football will obtain, how many more parking tickets I will get, how many more college encouraged pounds I will gain, if I will ever pass spanish 201....... Sure wish I knew today!"

I am ridiculous. Did I really write this? Well, I am still not certain who I will marry, when or if I have met them, how many children I will adopt, and so on. I can tell you, I don't wish I knew today. I know God will provide for me in a mighty way - and as excited as I am for Him to do it, I am very ok with waiting on his perfect timing. 

Side note: The Pack didn't win enough games, but did ok. Excited about this season (Saturday was a great start). I also got a ton of parking tickets in the past year, probably more than I could have even expected. I don't think I gained pounds and I have yet to pass spanish - BUT IT WILL HAPPEN THIS SEMESTER!  

".... and here we are. On the first day of senior year. I have NO clue what God holds for me. If the past three years have been so eventful, I am banking on the fourth one being eventful too!... and it makes me SO excited!!!!" 

I couldn't have been more accurate. Wow, this past year certainty was eventful. I wish I could explain that to you in more detail! What I can tell you is that God changed my heart in a really big way. I am incapable of titling this blog "Sure Wish I Knew," and not because I know all the answers to life, but because I don't and am ok with it! Praise God! 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28 

I posted these pictures of me on my first day of college and [what I thought was] my last day of college on the "Sure Wish I Knew" post. I looked exactly the same. 

Soon after I decided to start growing my hair out - so a year later, here I am. Can't decide which I like better, and am considering going brunette. Opinions? Tell me what ya think! 

Love always, 

J